Dream Log – NYC Nightmare

On June 15, 2010, I had a dream that turned out to be 100% accurate.  Fortunately, I had written it down in my journal, so I had proof. I wrote down the dream exactly as I remembered it, but I got details as I was half awake.  I didn’t write them down at first because they weren’t in the dream, but an hour later or so, I wrote them in the margins, because I thought it was important to note them.

A month later, I talked to the subject of my dream and the first thing he did was start telling me exactly what I had dreamed as it had happened to him.

Prophetic dream 2010

I had a dream last night that I hope doesn’t turn out to be true, because it was really, really awful.

I dreamed that I was with a march for Bernie Sanders (I think in NY), but I found out that many of those sweet, compassionate, spiritually beautiful people had been led down an alley, locked into an incinerator, and burned to death by the HRC team.   I didn’t see it happen, but I came across this huge, dark, ashen room full of skulls. I don’t know why they didn’t see me, maybe I was not wearing any Bernie gear.  Maybe I was “undercover.” I took pictures of the room and got back to the main street with a former HRC supporter who was a journalist.  I remember the avenue was called “E Street.” (E for Extermination?) We began to warn people away from it.

That’s when I woke up.

I know it seems crazy to even consider this a “true” vision, but how naive are we being? What happened in Germany was so horrific that its sheer evil was beyond the grasp of the good German people to imagine, beyond their ability to comprehend. It happened less than a century ago.  What makes us think we have evolved beyond that evil?

We scream that we are fighting a rigged system, so why are we shocked when we are proven correct? We are fighting the military industrial complex.  Killing masses of people is WHAT THEY DO. They contemplate ways to do it efficiently EVERY DAY.

You need to put yourself behind their eyes to even consider this as a possible danger. I do this as a novelist when I create my antagonist, but even then, it’s stressful for me. But I can tell you this: this is not beyond them.  They may even justify what they are doing as “population control,” for the good of mankind.

So I prayed to God for a sign.  I prayed that I would pull a card from my Angel Tarot that would give me clear confirmation. I remembered the last time I did a reading, and the Death card popped from the deck. This was in October, just before my father made his transition, so I thought of that.

Tarot overshadowed by Death

I didn’t pull Death.

The card I pulled was The Devil.

My first thought was, “It’s not the one I asked for, for confirmation,” but then I read the card’s meaning.  Death signifies endings, not always of things we cherish, and entails new beginnings as well, so it might not have been a good card to ask for as a confirmation.

The Devil card reads: “The most beautiful of God’s archangels, Morningstar was not satisfied with being the second most powerful being in creation. He wanted it all, so he rebelled against his creator and was cast out of Heaven. Morningstar became Lucifer, ‘the adversary,’ tempting mankind to join him in darkness. He is shown here with two chained disciples, but the shackles are so loose the disciples are obviously chained by their own choice.”

I am drawn to the phrase, “He wanted it all…” That is exactly what Bernie is fighting, what he has seen in Congress.  “They want it all!” he says, and what we are doing is telling them “NO! You cannot have it all!”

This seems to be a much more accurate card to act as confirmation. I also thought that perhaps I pulled this card to warn that I was being deceived, that this dream was a lie. The card’s meaning does not list deception, however.

But I have to be sure, since I have had a completely accurate prophetic dream before. I rarely remember my dreams, now, and this one was very clear. There was nothing nonsensical in it, just unimaginably horrible, as the Holocaust was.

This could also simply be metaphorical, expressing the feeling that this election has given me.  That we mean nothing to the establishment and they just want us out of the way.

I don’t really expect anyone to read this.  I’m writing this for myself, mainly.  This blog has not been active for a long time, so I doubt it will be seen, now.

I wasn’t going to publicize this, but something tells me I should.  If there is someone else out there who needs to see this, I want them to have every chance to connect with me or respond in whatever fashion is appropriate. This is who I am, and I won’t go back on my promise to hide nothing. It’s none of my business what other people think of me, or my message.  I just relay the message.

God bless you all!





Ground Zero: Still Burning

Good place to write for my blog — in a doctor’s waiting room. I’m not being seen, my friend, Mitch Trupia, is. He’s doing a skin cancer screening.

He is an incredibly brave soul, and has been facing a lot since 9/11. He’s coming out now…

I did a lot of praying for him, and I’m going to put him on the Unity prayer list, too. Two of the blotches he was concerned about were cleared, but they are doing a biopsy on the third one.

This doctor was very caring and compassionate, and she took the time to thank him for his service at Ground Zero. He was very touched, and I think it’s been a long time since he’s been treated with the respect and gratitude he deserves.

Written on May 16, 2014

Writing about Writer’s Block

So, I’m feeling a little stuck with my story. I’m taking my roommate’s advice and since I can’t get past this little block, I’m going to write about writer’s block.

I went to a meeting for the Island Writers Network last night. It went fairly well, considering that I am in the middle of a strange flareup with my arthritis. I feel like I have a lot to offer the group that they have no idea about. I haven’t told them that I was a literary agent.

Sometimes I wish Shanti could be right there with me all the time in situations like that. She’s always mentioning my writing skills and my work as an agent and generally playing me up. I can’t do that myself.

Okay, enough for now. I have to run off and get a table for the apartment.

So, here I am, waiting in front of the Church Mouse for my friend, Zeke, to get here. (His name is actually Zelda, believe it or not.) And this photo is the front of the Church Mouse, but no selfies! This is the kind of errand that always keeps me from writing on a schedule. Usually, it’s something for my father or another friend in need. I have to be honest, I do get sucked into the games, too, but in the back of my mind, I’m thinking about networking. My gamer friends buy my novels!

So, it’s not a total waste of time. I’ve sold more novels on the games than I have in any traditional venue.

Hmm, I guess the voice feature is only available online. Oh, well, not sure I …

Here he is!

… want to broadcast my thoughts, anyway.

Written on May 13, 2014

Back at it.

My sister has taken over the care of my mother since she had to move to a skilled care facility in Columbia.  I think about her all the time.  I send her Reiki, and she seems to be doing very well.  She is getting the care she really needs.

I’m hoping to go up to see her again this weekend, but I’m struggling with a sore throat.  Considering I was feeling a lot of guilt about not keeping to steady hours with my writing, that makes perfect sense on the throat chakra level.  Coughs mean, according to Louise Hays, that we feel we have something to say that is important, but is not being heard.  “Barking at the world,” so to speak.  So perhaps my throat will clear as I continue to write.

So I got back to my writing, and today I stuck to my discipline.  I clocked my personal requirement of hours and then some, and made my quota of pages, plus did some market research for short story sales.

I have a novella version of the story I’m working on up already, if anyone is interested in reading it.  It has 19 reviews already, and is holding steady at 4.6 out of 5 stars.  I’m still hammering out the subplot in the longer novel version, but it’s getting to be FUN again!  Here’s a link:

Sorcerer’s Vendetta

Sorcerer's Vendetta Cover by Trish Bigger

I’d greatly appreciate your honest review, but remember, I’m already working on the longer revision, so rate it as a “quick read” novella, as it is.  I plan to include all helpful reviewers in the acknowledgments of the long version!

So much in Life…

I haven’t been blogging since this post, but not because I have nothing to say.  Sometimes I feel like I have too much to say — all the thoughts are crowding out of my head and screaming to get on the page!

My heart is full of love and gratitude for All of you!  And yet, there are days when I feel so overwhelmed lately…  If you know me from Facebook (and you are all welcome to connect with me there, too) you will know why, already.

I know this to be true, we are all the Temple of God and the Spirit of God abides in us. The mystery remains, though — why do we do the things we do to ourselves?  I can’t bear to see the suffering around me, in my family, but I am helpless to stop it.  I am locked in their perception, caught in their field of reality, most of the time.

Sometimes, in a crisis, I call out the Spirit of Christ within, and miracles happen. I see it, but it soon fades from the awareness of others, still walking in their nightmare.  I feel like a solo time traveler, the only one who remembers what really happened before the timeline shifted.

But other times, I’m just a little girl who wants her Daddy to pick her up and hug her.


The Quest for the Divine Glance

Rumi wrote of it. Christ Yahshua (Jesus) certainly experienced and shared it, when he spoke of “letting your eye be single,” and “full of light.” The Hindus and Sikhs call it Darshan.

And yet, with millions of Christians in this country, it seems virtually unheard of. Even feared.

This is the story of my first experience with the most powerful encounter with God — looking into God’s eyes.

I experienced it for the first time at the Healing Center in Columbia, SC, sometime in late 2001 or early 2002, if I recall. The group focused on “A Course in Miracles” and they had a leader from “The Academy” as it was referred to.

I came in a little late and the group had already started. The leader, Peter, was standing with his arms up in the middle of the room. I think someone told me later that what he was doing was called, “creating the space,” but I can’t be sure. Peter was a tall, thin man with a fascinating accent (Australian, maybe?) and medium brown close-cropped hair. He looked at me with this loving smile of joy on his face as I came into the room. I felt instantly connected to him even though I had never met him before and then I felt a force come from him that touched me all around my head and shoulders.

I didn’t recognize what it was at the time and Peter himself did not seem to know what he had done. When I told him after the meeting what had happened, he said, “That wasn’t me, that was you!” Actually, I think it was both of us. I was ready to receive it and he was ready to give it.

This happened shortly after I had a spiritual awakening in which I became aware of the presence of God in the here and now. For three months I walked around in a state of bliss. As Neale Donald Walsch says (or God says, through him) “Heaven is nowhere. Now. Here.”

It was probably a year or two later before I met a man who knew what this experience was and how to share it with intent. He was a Sufi who made chain mail armor and jewelry to sell at renaissance fairs. I met him, believe it or not, on an online dating site. His spiritual name was Hanuman but his birth name was Manny.

Manny was not much taller than I am, around 5′ 5″ or 5′ 6″, thin, with long dark hair and deep brown eyes. His physical presence hid an incredibly beautiful spirit. He was Jewish but had become a follower of Sufism, the esoteric, mystical sect of Islam. He once told me that if he were on a plane hijacked by Muslim extremists, he would be one of the first they would want to kill but that he could keep the plane safe by going into a prayer chant, “La illaha illa ‘la,” There is no God but God. Muslims are forbidden to kill someone while they are connected to God, so if they were truly Muslim, they would be unable to blow up or crash the plane as long as he was praying.

When we went out on a date, he told me that there was a time when for an initiate to enter the order, he had to be able to demonstrate mastery of the Fire breath. The initiate was taken out into the snow and told to sit under six wet blankets. In order to be accepted INTO the order, he had to use the Fire breath to dry all the blankets and melt the snow for six feet around him. Imagine that.

So, over dinner in a noisy restaurant, we were talking about our favorite subject, God, whom the Sufis call “the Beloved.” I think I must have been expressing my joy in His presence and my love for Him. (Although I refer to God as He and I experience Him as masculine, I feel that Spirit is both masculine and feminine, and neither. God is Spirit. I know and respect many who experience God as She.)

At one point Manny went silent. He dropped his gaze for a second and then looked up at me and gave me the most loving, joyful smile I had ever seen. When I looked into his eyes it was suddenly like looking into the eyes of eternity, into an infinite depth of stars. That force I had felt before, through Peter, touched me with undeniable power. I felt this immense Love and suddenly it was all joy, all of it, existence itself, and I had to laugh. I knew without a doubt, this time, that I was looking into the eyes of God, the Beloved.

This may upset some people but I felt in that instant like life was a huge cosmic joke we are all enjoying. I remembered what Neale Donald Walsch taught me and I felt it when I looked into the Beloved’s eyes. I know this is hard for people who have experienced a lot of pain in their lives to hear, but we are all doing this to ourselves! God is not outside of us, judging our every move. He is INSIDE us, living with us through everything that we call into our path. So it is our choice whether to experience joy or pain. I prefer to give Him my joy.

I remember saying in that instant, “I felt that!” Manny said, with that same joyful smile, “I know.”

Soon after our date in Hilton Head where I lived, I went down to Florida to visit Manny. This is where I found out that the Divine Glance can also be dark.

Once, Manny looked at me and I saw something hungry, predatory, and arrogant. I can’t describe it any other way except “demonic.” I felt an instant of terror and I told him, “I just saw something… else…” He said, “Something more human?” I said yes, because I couldn’t bear to tell him what I really saw.

I don’t know what was different in that moment. Perhaps he was thinking of me with lust and that was why it shifted. Perhaps it was some unnamed fear in me, of him, that I was projecting. I don’t know, but that instant still haunts me. I would like to believe that aspect of the Divine is a mask, an illusion.

Manny told me that he did share the Divine Glance in an unusual way once. He had a female friend who was being stalked by a man who claimed to be a Satanist. When this Satanist was bothering her at a party, she came to Manny for help. Manny looked at him with the Divine Glance and the man got a look of terror on his face. He left immediately and never bothered her again.

If the Divine Glance is a mirror, I can imagine what he saw. I would bet he dropped Satanism.

I was able to share the Divine Glance after Manny shared it with me but I have also experienced someone receiving it as darkness from me when I did not intend it that way. I thought my intent was pure but I honestly can’t say now. I had just done a healing session on a woman which had gone extremely well, miraculously clearing almost all of her pain, but before the session she told me she was feeling a lot of fear in her life. Perhaps it was her fear of God that called it darkness. Or perhaps it was my ego that twisted it. Maybe I was “showing off” just a little instead of sharing.

I do not believe in coincidence, so what does it mean that her name was also Sarah? For me, it calls up the scene from one of the Star Wars movies, when Luke Starwalker goes into the dark cave and fights himself.

For a long time, I stopped trying to share the Divine Glance after that. I did go back to sharing it without that experience of darkness eventually. I think it is time to share it again, this way. I was afraid for a while that talking about it would create resistance from the ego but I believe ultimately in Divine Order. This article will come to only those who are ready to read it. I don’t expect it to get a huge following but I would be thrilled if it did! Perhaps we are all ready to awaken.

So, keep that ego in check, and keep your eyes open for the loving Glance of God. I will be looking for you in Heaven, Beloved… Here and now…

And the quest is complete when we realize our journey is not TO God, but WITH God.  With the Beloved.

My thanks to Barbara Franken for inviting me to post this as her guest in the Awakening series!

Me, My Magnificent Self

1st     Barbara  – http://memymagnificentself.wordpress.com
2nd    Paddy    – http://paddypicasso.wordpress.com
3rd     Emanuel- http://emantable.com/musings-of-a-table/
6th     Julianne – http://juliannevictoria.com
7th     Sarah     – http://rayoflight7777.wordpress.com
8th     Shree     – http://heartsongsblog.wordpress.com
9th     Dace      – http://mywaytotruth.wordpress.com
10th   Korinn    – http://www.korinn.com
11th   Sindy     – http://bluebutterfliesandme.wordpress.com
12th   Stefanie – http://dancingwithstefanie.com
13th   Mick      – http://meticulousmick.wordpress.com
14th   Joss      – http://ccwow.wordpress.com
15th   Megan   – http://mychroniclifejourney.wordpress.com
16th   Pat         – http://patinspire.org
17th   Marga    – http://lifeasimprov.com
18th   Kimberley – http://kimberlyharding.wordpress.com
19th   Becki        – http://isurvivedamurderattackmyfamilydidnt.com
20th   Serena      – http://beingmefromatoz.com
21st   Heather     – http://wildflowerwomen.wordpress.com
22nd  PurpleRay – http://purplerays.wordpress.com
23rd    Sue          – http://suedreamwalker.wordpress.com
24th    M…          – http://seeingm.wordpress.com
25th    Brian G    – http://middlepane.com
26th    Dotta       – http://dottaraphels.wordpress.com
27th    CW          – http://sunflowerrosecw.wordpress.com
28th    Laurie       – http://lauriesnotes.wordpress.com
29th    Debra       – http://ptero9.com
30th    Linda        – http://lindalitebeing.wordpress.com
31th    Michael     – http://navigator1965.wordpress.com

2 More 5-star Reviews!

Wow, what a roller coaster ride I’m on! One minute I’m fending off bile from an ex, the next I’m happy dancing because I found two more reviews for my first novel, and they were both 5 stars!  Up to a 4.5 out of 5 rating and 16 reviews.

Still plugging away, trying to hit that sweet spot to take me over the top.  It’s all good — I’m enjoying the ride (mostly)!

Stalker Strikes!

Well, THAT was a bummer!  The first person to find my blog is my stalker ex-boyfriend, who is still pretending to be someone else.  First he pretended to be Jim Cole, a man I loved 25 years ago (who, unfortunately, died 10 years ago), now he’s pretending to be Jim Mann, his own imaginary friend to vouch for himself as a “good guy.”

Well, I’m not pretending to be anything but what I am, and I really don’t give a mouse fart what people like HIM think.  My God is a God of Love, not an “I’ll blast yer naughty bits if you touch them!” egomaniac!  “Satan” is the “ACCUSER,” not God!